She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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