I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i would punch a child for taco bell
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
