Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
