dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
