It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize