we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize