I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
