God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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