I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
