Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
