I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
