Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
