There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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