You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
