and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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