apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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