I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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