Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
