Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My ATM looks so different sober.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize