Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize