Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
