Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
