So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
