I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
