She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
