Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
