ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
