Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
