bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
