The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
