my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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