We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
