FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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