a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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