This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
