every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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