i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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