i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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