she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I could make wine with my vomit
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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