I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
