Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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