I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize