i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
