alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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