I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My liver just had a heart attack.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize