R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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