So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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