This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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