she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
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