you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
