He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
