The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i don't like sucking hair
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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