Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
