Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
