If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize