Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Dear god my vagina.
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