if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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