Sry I called you an 8
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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