we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
