how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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