what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
