super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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