I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
There r osticjed everywhere
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Randomize
