help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
