Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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