just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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