Banned from zoo.
Again?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
