i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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