My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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