There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
