My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
