Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
did you get engaged???
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
